I feel so fucking dirty and vile and fucked up lately that I want to SCREAM UNTIL MY LUNGS BURST.
This is so unlike me. I’m known for dancing through shitstorms with grace and badassery. What the fuck is this sensation? Disgust. Pure and utter disgust.
Have you ever felt like you’re possessed by the shit swirling around you? The shit beyond your control… like how people perceive or treat you. That’s the shit I’m talking about.
I’m fucking tired. I almost wasn’t going to bother to write this but it seems like it’s fighting to come out in everything that I do. It’d be a crime to let that poison me.
So here goes.
If one more motherfucker from my past, or whom is committed to a lady friend of mine, tries to follow my saucy Insta profile, I will LOSE MY SHIT. It’s not supposed to be a free perve. No pay, no play, wankers!!
You’re probably tempted to tell me it’s my fault for being so saucy, and attempting to create an income based solely on that skill.
You might be partially right… but you’re mostly wrong. Why is it always my fault when mankind does something fucked? Why does nobody stop to ask why these cunts feel so entitled to disrespect their women in a covert way, and also me, by assuming I will allow that.
EVER HEARD OF GIRL CODE, BRO?
I will not enable you to disrespect your woman. EVER. FUCK OFF.
Consider your cocks, blocked.
You bastards are microcheating and I’ve lost a lot of respect for a lot of men over the last month or so. It’s quite devastating. Most of them were men I actually had a shred of respect left for, and this is disillusionment at its finest.
This triggers me in the sense that I am divorced from a prick I never married because of this exact behaviour. It’s so disrespectful it makes me ill to my core.
I’d never start a riot by going to the women in question and turning their shit inside out by revealing what a seedy fuck their partner is…. but god damnit. What am I supposed to do with this?
I’ve locked down all my shit, whilst I reassess the situation.
I think I’m doing the wrong thing here. It’s so bad for my chi.
I think I have better skills, and my sauciness can absolutely be included in my writing. Why should I feel the need to get naked for mankind to fucking appreciate me? Why should I try to be less wordy and more visual when I AM BOTH AND THAT IS EXCELLENT.
Don’t get me wrong. My nudes are fucking ace. I know this. I enjoy making a bit of a scene and being an exhibitionist. What I don’t enjoy are the feels that are triggered by pricks with low morals.
Shocking isn’t it, that a half naked slut could have a better moral code than these guys. I’m not really shocked but I’m sure somebody will be. Plenty of people are out there walking around with their eyes shut, unable to face the fuckery that surrounds them.
I was one of them for a long time.
I don’t even know where I’m going with this one, I’m just purging those fucking demons in an attempt to free myself from the fucking bullshit that seems to be arising quicker than I can vanquish it with my dark humour.
I don’t feel very funny right now. I’m not laughing, and although I’m still smiling, it’s waning. Shit is getting old.
Lift your game, mankind. For the love of fucking god.
It’s creeping into my real actual life, also. I suppose that’s a side effect of becoming more social. Snakes will slink into your circle, undetected. It’s inevitable. I am quick to turn my back on people like that, but I’m just so goddamn tired of having to block so hard.
My shields are damaged. I need to repair them. The only way I can think to do this is to bury myself in creative works and make some fucking masterpieces. Weaving words, capturing beautiful images, and turning single strands of fiber into amazing art of both the wearable and non wearable form.
Vodka helps. Not too much, but just enough to silence the screaming in my head.
My soul SCREAMS. It’s getting loud and I want it to just fall silent and be my bitch again like it was before.
I prefer numbness to this… I really do. Where is that cool, calm, aloof, disengaged excellence I’m infamous for?
With any luck, I’ll wake up tomorrow feeling a fuck tonne better, and be more able to adult effectively. I’m just operating on basic fucking instincts right now. Block, ignore, metaphorical throatpunch, rinse and repeat as desired.
I’m even going to end this one abruptly and include ZERO images because I just cannot be fucked dressing this up as anything other than what it is. It’s a deep and cleansing purge.
I think I feel better already. ❤