Are you single? Do you get lonely sometimes? Okay, definitely pay attention.
Listen GOOD. I’ve been doing this for a long time now, only in silence. It’s time I spoke up and spoke louder so the motherfuckers in the back can hear me.
This is the life you chose and created for yourself. I know it gets lonely, but you know you’d rather do this, than stick with a partner who hates everything you are… Or worse. Imagine bending who you are to fit someone else’s ideals. You don’t need to imagine. You’ve done that. It left you feeling empty. Angry.. mostly at yourself. It left you damaged. You’ve chosen to rebuild. That’s amazing.
The other people you know (you know, the happy ones) either have good partners…. OR…. They haven’t yet found the courage to face themselves as you do every day. Only a handful of them fall into the former category. It’s usually the latter, sadly.
So many are walking around unable to face their own responsibility for the lives they’ve created for themselves. Be ready to catch them when they fall. You can break their fall. You can’t wake them up, that’s their job to do on their own. But you can be there to hold their hand when they’re afraid. You’re pretty fucking scary yourself, actually. Watch their demons run away when you stand beside them.
Revel in that power. You’ve made yourself strong.
People recognize strength in you even when you can’t see it in yourself. Allow the people who show you they care about you, to be the mirror that you look into.
You stand alone. You’re feeling the absence of the white noise of fuckboys (or girls)- But it’s better to feel the burn a little, than to set yourself completely on fire, so that they might feel your warmth. That’s a surefire way to make sure you grow cold quickly when you burn out. They were nothing but a distraction from doing the work you needed to do, to recover properly. They fed your sickness… and so it’s only right that now, you starve them of your attention.
They stopped asking for it because they can see you’re not the type to kneel for them. Not anymore. They only liked you when you were weak. Be grateful they don’t like you anymore. Truth is, they never did. They only liked what they could extract from you, for their own benefit.
They weren’t there to help you. They were there to help themselves TO you. Your needs never mattered before, because you didn’t dare allow them to. You didn’t dare ask for what you deserve.
They do now. You allow it now. You fucking dare, alright. This is why you’re by yourself, and THAT’S FUCKING ALRIGHT. It speaks only of the lack of quality opponents surrounding you, and says nothing of your character.
You’re human. It’d be unnatural never to hurt. It’s what you do with the pain you carry, that’s most important. Will you turn it on yourself, or will you turn it into your finest weapon? Choose wisely what you do with your weapons, too. Defend, yes. Attack, no.
When you let go of trying to figure out which steps to take and when… shit just works for you. When you let go of dissecting your every move and wondering if you’re YOU enough… shit hurts less. You are more than enough. Stay on your path, it leads to better places than you’ve ever been before. If you can’t be the change then nothing will ever change. You’ve changed your life. Now change it some more.
You know exactly what to do, and when to do it. You’re ahead of the pack, you just haven’t stopped to look back yet because you’re afraid of what you might see, and what you might be reminded of. Take a peek. Be brave. There’s nothing back there that you miss. See? Everything you want is right in front of you. Now go forwards some more.
When you feel weak, lift others who deserve you to. The fastest way to rise up yourself is to reach out to someone in need and lend them whatever strength you have left. Take a break from being immersed in your own suffering. You don’t even need to suffer. You have the strength of ten men when you apply your skills to a problem that doesn’t belong to you.
You’re unemotional, detached, but caring as fuck. Your shields are strong, and you can assist without absorbing their hurt. Drop your own burdens and pick up theirs, see how good you feel when they stand stronger…. and how fast you’re able to carry your own weight again.
Don’t forget though, it’s also okay to feel so tired you can’t assist anyone except yourself. It’s okay to say no to being taken advantage of, when someone isn’t reciprocating the love you give them. Listen to what it is that you need and give that to yourself, always.
Be wise enough to know the difference between depleting yourself, and strengthening yourself through endurance. It’s a fine line, but you recognize both sides. Keep walking down the middle. Keep reaching out. See how many grab your hands.
Trust in yourself, always. You’ve led yourself here.
This is how I speak to myself, when I’m all alone.
Suddenly I remember how motherfucking brave I am, and how beautiful that will be when the right people see me in action.
I just have to stay in action.
So I will.
And you will too.