Dick Chat

There are no mistakes in art. Except when it’s stiff, and stale, and manufactured as fuck. Only stiff thing I want to see is a dick, or a freshly ironed business shirt. Not even sorry.

A lot of people would judge me hard for the shit that I do, but I’m just over here giving approximately zero fucks about that.

Wait, let me count.

Nope, coming up empty. It’s a big ole zero.

Maybe some of my fucks fell on the floor?  I’ll check down there.

I used to give a whole lot of fucks about what people thought of me. The problem with that is it was exhausting, and totally killing my vibe. Even when I thought I was giving few fucks, I was quite obviously misappropriating several fucks. I would hesitate to create…….

Especially in the case of…. him. I wanted to impress him, you see. Only thing is he didn’t impress me. I was giving zero fucks about the wrong things, like my standards and my boundaries. I had none.

In reality, none of this is even about him. He just happened to be there whilst I did some pretty excellent things. I’d delete the last few paragraphs in the name of not making it about a wanker…. but that’s not how I roll anymore. Let it ride! My ego was damaged. That’s all. Fuck ego.

In the end, he was just the catalyst for my epic transformation; to gain speed at an exponential rate….. for my rage to hit critical mass, and propel me to MAKE SOME MOTHERFUCKING CHANGES.

Powerful changes.

You can do that shit too. If you want to.

Don’t you want it to be different?

Don’t you want to be different? Feel different?

Nothing will ever be different so long as you remain the same, and cling to the same old ideals. Nothing grows in the comfort zone. Everyone knows this by now. Catch up!

I don’t really know what the fuck I’m doing. Day to day. I don’t even know what the fuck I’m actually doing right now. I’m talking about dicks and I’m about to launch into a lengthy discussion regarding revenge dildo of choice.

The point is, your higher self knows what the fuck it’s doing, always. If you feel like you want to do a thing, DO IT! So long as it’s not illegal, or fucked up in some other way. If you feel like sticking a 15 inch black dildo on a motherfuckers car…. maybe you should. Have you considered that? Yep, there it is. I said it.

Actually…. You can probably get away with it. I still might do it to the next motherfucker who dares to threaten my chi. However, my higher self has a few tips for me.

  1. Use a suction base dildo, so no glue is required, and therefore it isn’t vandalism.
  2. Use the crappy one that was given as a gift, which broke last year… (definitely not through overuse…… *shifty eyes*). You don’t want to invest a cent into revenge. The whole point is sadistic amusement at zero cost to yourself.
I need this fan to cool me down, from the heat of the burns I’m delivering.

I’m seeing a whole generation of women rising up who seem to think that accepting bullshit is normal and okay.

Nooooo honey, it’s fucking not okay. I honestly am the last person you’d expect to say this… but NOT ALL MEN are fucking bastards. Lots of them are, most of them inadvertently. Some of them very purposely. It’s important to recognize which category they fall into. Purposeful cunt. Accidental cunt. Not a cunt at all.

Your JOB as a woman is to block their shitty attempts to enslave you. What the actual fuck good can come from you bending to their will and making excuses for bad behaviour?

If your boyfriend cheats on you, it’s not because of anything you did or didn’t do. It’s because that’s WHO HE IS. If your boyfriend kills your vibe on the regular, and makes you feel like your feelings don’t matter… it’s not because you’re being unreasonable,(unless you’re asking for a pet unicorn) it’s because THAT’S WHAT HE DOES to control you.

Fight the power. Throw dildos at their heads.

Tell guys like that to FUCK RIGHT OFF. Seriously. That type of behaviour will become less rampant if more of us lift our standards, and start denying them access to what they want. To fuck us, of course.

I really hate putting the responsibility on women, to lift mankind’s game. But it’s a fact. We’re all complicit in our own enslavement. If we all collectively raise our standards and demand a greater level of respect, they will have no choice but to deliver that, or see their dicks un-sucked for all of eternity.

Which brings me back to the dildo point. It is our DUTY to stick dildos on the cars of any dude who does us wrong. I highly recommend having a backup dildo for such an occasion. It’s not like you want to go without your inanimate cock for any length of time, if you’re giving some guy the axe. Gotta think ahead, princess.

If he happens to know it was you… and let’s face it.. he’s going to know, (unless he’s been pissing off a whole bunch of women on the daily) call it an art installation. It’s not like he’ll be able to confront you anyway, when you have him BLOCKED ON ALL PLATFORMS and banished for all of eternity.

It’s funny if you do it once. It’s creepy (and expensive) if you do it 30 times. Rest assured, few men would want to utter the phrase “Why is there a dick on my car?”

I mean, if they can find a better place to stick it, then I encourage them to do so. Bonus points if it goes unnoticed for a little while, because you know his habits and place it in the front grill….. or somewhere equally genius. Double bonus points if you smear it with some lube so when he tries to pull it off, he’s both horrified, and falling on his arse.

Ok, that’s enough dick chat for today. It’s been fun! I hope you learned something unexpected, or at least laughed until you pee’d a little bit.

Amen.

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