Serves one. Medium difficulty.
Kit includes: flamethrower, lighter, double edged sword, nerf crossbow and darts.
Things you will need: bullet blender, misappropriated fucks to give.
Low self esteem
Alcohol of choice
- Place insecurity, low self esteem and resentment in a pot of boiling water.
- Bring to the boil repeatedly, allowing it to cool for weeks at a time. Stir only when it looks like it’s losing interest in you.
- Add fuckboys to taste. You can use any type of fuckboy that grabs your fancy. I like blondes and beards. Also biceps.
- Simmer for several years, like the rage you tried to deny and suppress.
- Turn out mixture onto prepared pavement. The more public, the better.
- Using sword, fold in bullshit excuses.
- Sprinkle with lies that seem believable.
- Fire nerf darts into concoction, at a distance.
- Stamp on it violently and dramatically, preferably in stilettos. Careful not to slip on the bullshit.
- Put a cigarette out in the mess, then pour your desired alcohol all over it.
- Set it on fire, with flamethrower provided.
- Shovel ashen, scorched mixture into blender. Blitz until you’re done crying and giving too many fucks.
Pour into chilled glass and sip slowly into your soul.
WARNING: will fucking poison you.
Voila. Your chi is now fucked. Best enjoyed cold and alone.
Stay tuned for the next recipe: Chi restoration and unfuckededness. This one is best enjoyed when you wake the fuck up to yourself and stop making the same dumb mistakes.