(Don’t) SEND NUDES

This is going to sound ironic, coming from someone who sent ALL the nudes.  I almost made a career of it.  You may have noticed by now, that I enjoy publishing some of my nudes.  It’s just a shame I have to edit out my nipples… cause they’re really nice.

Anyway…

Stay with me.

Here’s why you shouldn’t send nudes except under special circumstances.  They are as follows:

  • To make a solid point to a girlfriend.
  • In response to a nude a girlfriend has sent you in the name of solidarity.
  • Publishing them for the purpose of revoking power from critics.  (also digital exhibitionism)
  • Using them as a marketing tool.
  • With inconvenient pasties applied, to burn an enemy.
  • If you’ve been paid upfront to do so, and wish to comply.

As you can see, none of the reasons on this list are “to impress a man.”  It doesn’t impress them, unless of course you’re already involved with them.  In which case, SEND AWAY!  If he’s meeting your needs, and adhering to your standards and boundaries, motherfucker deserves some bangin’ nudes.  Remember to follow security protocols, in case of spontaneous apocalypse.

Let’s call it nude insurance.

  • Never flash your nether regions with your face visible.  EVER.  NEVER.
  • Crop out or edit identifying marks, unless you’re cool with the public knowing what your tits, ass or snatch looks like. (I myself am quite cool with this, hence allowing my notorious tattoo to be a focal point ALL THE TIME.)
  • Never accept requests for production of porn unless he’s fucking paying you for it.  upfront.  If a man challenges you to do it, he’s merely challenging you to disregard your own boundaries in the name of meeting his own needs.  He will burn you.
  • Same rule for face and tit shots.  Unless you’re cool with people seeing you in that light, don’t fucking do it.  Again, I’m fairly cool with this.  I have a great rack.
  • If you’re accepting payment, never use your everyday bank details, never give your phone number (as it’s traceable and stalkable) and have a separate paypal account for this purpose, with an alias.
  • USE YOUR ALIAS.  BE YOUR ALIAS, until any man you’re dating, fucking or sending nudes to, has earned the right to know your real name.
picsart_04-24-101962757112.jpg
Hold your power like a boss!

Ok, so the reasons.

Men don’t respect women who send nudes before the first meeting.  Unless you’re aiming for an emotionless booty call…… you’re only burning yourself.  I’m not saying it’s not respectable to be a sexual being, and take amazing nudes.  It’s unfortunately the culture we’re stuck in for now, though.  Gotta deal with things the way they are, rather than the way you wish they were.  You can’t fight misogyny with nudes.  It merely causes them to point in your direction and slut shame you.  You can’t educate them with your tits.  They refuse to learn.

Save your nudes for people who love you.  Your girlfriends (still adhering to security protocols in case shit goes south and the friendship is severed, of course).  Men you’ve been dating a while, who you trust, and who have EARNED THAT TRUST.  No, that doesn’t mean two dates and a few phonecalls.  That’s not fucking enough.  Get your hand off it, idiot.

Seeking validation in the form of displaying your flesh like something to be consumed….. is a bad idea.  Again, you will burn yourself.  You are not a fucking treat, you’re the god damn main course.  Make him wait for it.  He will be ravenous by the time you’re showcasing your digital skills… let alone the physical ones.  Ermigherrrrd.

Wait until he’s seen you naked IN THE FLESH, and returned for more, several times over…. before you even think about a cheeky shot of your rack.

This advice is only useful if you’re seeking a quality relationship with a quality partner.  If you’re in your hoe phase (no judgment), then go ahead and do as you please, so long as you’re adhering to nude insurance and security protocols.

If it gives you a kick to do a bit of digital exhibitionism…. go right ahead.  Just be aware, that if you’re begging the universe to bring you a man who will respect you, that flashing your goods all over the place is an action which will NEGATE whatever you’re verbally requesting.  The universe will tell you to fuck off, and deliver you only fuckboys.

It all depends on what you want.  Decide on that, and make sure your actions match your verbiage.  You simply can’t demand one thing with your mouth, then use your body as bait to ‘lure’ or ‘attract’ a quality man.  Truth is, the quality ones aren’t fucking looking for that, and if they say that’s what they want- their quality should be instantly lowered, in your wise opinion.

I’m not saying you can’t be sexy.  By all means, be sexy as fuck.  Get creative.  In the digital age, I get that sometimes people want to ‘size you up’ before anyone bothers getting dressed to meet.  It’s kinda shallow, but it is what it is.

fuckperfection.jpg
If you’re gonna do it, do it RIGHT.  Yes Sir!  I learned.

You can show a man your ‘bod without getting naked.  That pic with your girlfriends where you were wearing that HOTTTTT dress.  Use that.  Your cute gym leggings.  USE THAT!  Show him the silhouette, but not the whole goddamn taco kit, like you don’t fucking value yourself.

You are valuable as fuck, the moment you start to uphold some kind of standards.  Demand he respects you first, as if it’s fucking ransom money.  If he can’t stick around for a month or so, take you on some cute dates and text you back with enthusiasm…… HE GETS NO FUCKING NUDES, OK?!  You do not negotiate with terrorists.

Protect yourself.  Value yourself.  DEMAND THE MOTHERFUCKING BEST.  Be the best damn bitch you can be.

The truth is, your mystique will serve you so much more than your pornographic photoshoots.  Unless you’re a pornstar.

Most of us aren’t.  If you are, high five to you!

 

I hope you found this both educational and tantalizing.

Amen!

 

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