Is he LYING to me?

I can’t believe I haven’t shared this on here until now.

This is the second of my self published works.

Do you lie awake at night wondering what he’s really doing? That sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach will be familiar, if you’ve ever been lied to by a significant other. This book covers what steps to take in order to obtain the truth, and set yourself free from liars forever.

Having been through the fire of a liar, and come out the other side intact, I felt like it was my duty and responsibility to write this motherfucker. It took several months. It was agonizing, honestly.

Worth it, though.

I see so many people suffering needlessly through shitty relationships, when a little bit of knowledge and a lot of know-how would change their whole lives.

Most of the people I know now, have no god damn idea who I used to be.  When I talk about ‘the before time’…… it sounds like I’m speaking about someone else.

I literally can’t picture myself saying or doing the things I said and did.  It feels foreign, alien, and disgusting to me.

Have you ever felt like that?  Like you were just going through the motions, yes sir, no sir, may I have another decade of fucking bullshit, sir?

So many of us have.

Are you ready to learn things that you cannot unlearn and to see things you cannot unsee? If you’re not, I suggest you get the hell out of here. Why would you even read my stuff if you didn’t want to expand yourself a little bit and explore some of your shadiest thoughts?

There can be no light though, without shade. So allow me to throw some serious fucking shade in your direction.

Shady enough for you?

If you’re not feeling a little bit of terror…. then you’re doing life wrong, according to me.

This manual should be in every teenage girl’s hands. It saddens me that this is designed for women of all ages……. that women my age (early 30s) … and beyond, are STILL putting up with this level of fuckery.

If you have to ask yourself if your man is lying to you, that speaks volumes. The MOMENT I start questioning someone’s intentions, I realize their fatal flaw. They’re acting in a way that fills me with doubt.

Why would they do that to me? Why would I stay around that? Why would you?  Wait, do I even give a fuck why?  No.  I only care what I do next.

Of course, it’s possible I’m paranoid, and hold onto an intense mistrust of any and all people, as a result of severe trauma.

BUT.

Un-fucking likely. I didn’t come this far, and drag my arse over hot coals to escape, to learn nothing. I am open to trusting people. I am open to understanding their motives as best I can. That doesn’t mean I have to set myself on fire in order to learn those lessons anymore though.

Neither should you.

The truth is, the person you trust most in the world should be YOURSELF. Always yourself.  Your instincts are there for a reason, and the moment you start to ignore that gross feeling you get inside when you KNOW somebody is talking shit………. you fail yourself in a huge way.

This applies to all people. I defy you to tell me that analyzing and staying critical of people’s motives and actions, rather than listening to the pretty words they speak, is unhealthy.

Question everything. Interrogate everyone. Not with words, but with your intuition.

Everyone has something they can teach you.  This is not to say that you should stand in judgement of motherfuckers.  Hell no.  That’d be a waste of energy.  I do not judge, but I sure do execute them and remove people from my space if they’re bringing me anything less than high level enhancement to the life I already have.

Here’s an anecdote you might enjoy.

Today I sat in an office whilst a ‘trained’ mediator took down notes, asking me to rehash every nasty fucking event that’s gone down between myself and my ex partner in the last 3 years.

After recounting the whole sordid affair with very little emotion, factually, like a god damn robot….. Her advice to me was to give him increased parental responsibility, and to reveal my weekly expenditure to him in black and white.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.   She said this just minutes after I explained how it took police intervention to simmer him down, and of the physical way he assaulted me, in front of our children, in the end game.

I don’t think this chick understands the definition of domestic violence at all. Instantly, my insides bristled. I felt the metaphorical spikes on my armoured skin rise up and glow red hot.

I smiled. I nodded. I said I am open to things changing for the better, but I’m also entirely comfortable carrying the weight of all the real responsibility 100% solo, infinitely.  For the good of my sons.

That translates to: “Fuck off, you can’t give me that advice without ever meeting this man or bothering to understand who he is at his core.”

I felt like she was completely dismissing the DECADE I’ve known this man, and danced this dance. Bitch, you don’t know how to tango.  Heeeeeeelllll to the fuck no.

Anyway, the point is this: ALWAYS TRUST IN YOURSELF FIRST AND FOREMOST. I don’t give a shit what degrees she’s earned sitting in a sterile room. I don’t give a fuck how many years she’s been doing this. She just demonstrated a complete lack of insight, and frankly, insulted me right down to my fucking soul making such a reckless recommendation.
A weaker person would have taken that advice on board, and possibly put themselves in harm’s way, or damaged their psyche trying to engage with a motherfucker who IS NOT ABLE TO BE ENGAGED.

Yes, I dare to stand against professionals. You know why? Because I AM THE BOSS OF MY LIFE. I lived it. Breathed it. Felt the impact of the deep and dark injustices dealt to me by him…. society…. everyone who refuses to educate themselves on the finer points of toxic masculinity and narcissism.

I trust myself that much.

I have that much faith in myself.

Do you?

You fucking should.

Why wouldn’t you?

Are you not the expert on your own experience? Have you not stopped to examine the path you walked previously, and taken a look at your own mis-steps?

I dare you to do that.

Right now.

What the actual fuck are you even waiting for?

I’m not telling you that you have to buy my ebook. I most certainly am urging you to start listening to your god damn instincts.

Let’s face it. You’re going to buy it eventually.  You can either continue going around and around making the same shitty unconscious choices you have been all along, and making yourself crazy expecting new and exciting results from CHANGING NOTHING.

Or. You can wake the fuck up and exit the matrix.

You can learn how to find the truth, when you’re afraid to look.

It’s like six dollars.

SIX FUCKING DOLLARS to crack your facade open and start dipping your toes into the deep end of your own mind.

Get naked, and start skinny dipping in the squalor. I want you to get filthy. Angry. Burst into flames with rage at the things you’ve allowed to happen to you all this time.

You’re doing this to yourself.  You’re choosing these people for a variety of reasons.  Wounds acquired in childhood.  Poor socialization.  Shitty self esteem.   Those things are not your fault.

But remaining in a victim mindset, and doing NOTHING to help yourself, is 100% your fucking fault.

Lift yourself the fuck up.

I’ll even give you a little booty boost.  I care that much.

I want you to allow yourself to exit the superhighway of fuckery. Just let it all roll on by you.

Like smoke, your problems can float away if you allow that.  

You don’t have to play their game anymore.

It’s time for you to wake up, and drink a big ole cup of fuckoffee.

Let that fuck off meter rise to maximum, and watch every lecherous, conniving, disgusting piece of shit person you know, drift away from you like smoke from flames.

Like your problems.

They’ll just float away beautifully if you fucking choose that for yourself.

You can do that.

You get to be the flames, if you want to.

You get to be the fire.

The smoke.

You can be everything and anything and FUCK anyone who tells you otherwise.

 

What kind of asshole would dare to tell you that?  Even worse, what kind of asshole are you being, to yourself, if that’s your internal dialogue.

Do it.

Say yes to stepping into yourself, learning the things you can’t unlearn, and harnessing the motherfucking POWER you’ve always had inside of you.

You won’t regret it.

HERE IT IS

May it bring you strength and power.

Amen.

6 Replies to “Is he LYING to me?”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s