You don’t have to lose yourself to be a good mother.

Here’s a newsflash.

Nobody who matters- cares how perfect you are on paper. Life is not a competition to see who can fit some shallow checklist for externally perceived success, the best.

You can judge others for not doing it the same way as you, or you can shut the fuck up and take care of your own family the best way you know how. Maybe try supporting others to do the same.. to do things their way, whilst withholding your unwanted opinion in the meantime.

I’ve got some bitter truth for all you judgey Susans out there, and I hope you all swallow it like good girls, and get over yourselves.

Nobody gives a flying fuck what meaningless fluff you do for show- but this is especially true when you’re shouting verbal abuse at your kids on the regular.

I see you out there, losing your cool over minor infractions. Expecting your kids to be little robots without feelings or problems, because you can’t handle your own feelings or problems.

Oh, and buying them a bunch of shit out of guilt- isn’t going to make up for the damage you do on the daily, disrespecting and humiliating them repeatedly.

They’ll grow up like me. They’ll pack their shit, and move far far away, leaving you to your bullshit. They’ll disassociate from you at the first sniff of freedom, and you’ll have lost them forever.

You’ll deserve it too.

If you find this triggering, it’s because you need to rethink your behaviour, and try acting with some self awareness and self control.

You can’t expect children to grow up to respect and honour you if you’re treating them like an inconvenience, or like they don’t deserve basic human respect. They may be small, but they’re people. They’ll remember all the shitty things you said and did to them, through your own inability to handle yourself like an adult.

Also, HITTING THEM IS NOT DISCIPLINE. That’s you losing control and lashing out.

No, I’m not being a judgy Susan. I’m being real as fuck right now. Stop screaming at, and hitting your kids as your first basic reflex for dealing with conflict. We all lose our cool sometimes and that’s okay, but what’s NOT fucking okay, is taking zero responsibility for your actions, or attempting to improve your skills at all. Violence should not be the first response.

“You’re such a bastard, little johnny. Stop being a cunt. *SMACK* Now let’s go and buy the latest plastic piece of whatever because I feel guilty as fuck. Stop crying, you little shit. Have a lolly.”

Good job. That’ll go really well.

You know what makes me cringe, though? These shouty, smacking mums, are the ones who are the judgiest of them all. They shame others for any perceived flaw in their facade, because they can’t stand to turn inwards and assess their own actions. Usually they pick on the gentle, loving mothers who spend most of their time giving their all raising their kids, because it makes them uncomfortable that they’re unable to do so.

Here’s some more news. LOVE IS NOT FOR SALE. I haven’t seen it in any catalogues, just so you know.

It’s stressful raising humans. I get it. I have two, and one of them has a disability. He’s VERY difficult to manage sometimes. Sometimes I get upset and lose my shit. Sometimes I say fuck loudly. I can’t remember the last time I hit either of my kids though. It doesn’t happen anymore, because IT DOESN’T WORK and it’s cruel.  I learned.

It’s so important to show your kids humanity. To apologize when you’re wrong. To ask their forgiveness if you’ve hurt them intentionally or unintentionally. That’s how you model the important skills.

Empathy. Humility. Grace.  The occasional bird-flip as is necessary, and called for.

A big fuck you, from me to you.

So what if I still get my nails done and I make sure I can have a cigarette and a drink at the end of a hard day of emotional labour, though? You don’t suddenly lose the right to enjoy yourself because you procreated.  Men don’t, so neither will I.

The things you don’t have the right to do, is be an absolute bitch to your fellow woman, or to abuse your kids in any way, all because your life sucks trying to follow the ‘rules’.

I’m starting to wonder if it’s this impossible (and confusing) standard for motherhood which is causing so many women to fall apart, and resort to sheer violence and verbal abuse in an effort to manage the difficult situation they’re in.

Never- EVER let anyone judge you for the things you do to care for yourself. You don’t have to lose yourself to motherhood. You don’t have to follow any set rules to be a good and acceptable woman or mother.

It’s a beautiful thing to maintain your personality, interests, and sense of self among the anarchy of raising the humans you created. Whether you have a supportive partner or not. This shit is hard.

In fact, I’d have to say that’s the motherfucking gold standard. Maintaining your true SELF. Anyone who stands against your right to have or do the things which make you YOU- is not on your side and should be disregarded.

Mothers are people too. Let’s start acting like that and defending ourselves by flipping a bird in the face of anyone who tries to judge us for irrelevant shit. The only thing which should be judged, is shitty role modeling and an unwillingness to learn how to parent effectively.

I don’t know about you, but I’m not a fan of standing against my fellow woman, comparing notes on who’s the best and most enslaved in our role as caretaker. I’m also not a fan of excusing inexcusable behaviours, because you know…. I bought them a fucking pony so it’s alright.

FUCK THAT!

Once again, if you’re offended by this post, it’s because you should probably fuck off to some place you can get educated on how to be less fucked up.

I’m not even sorry.

It’s about time somebody laid down the savage truth. It needs to be said, and I’m not afraid to say it.

 

Get your shit together, or bear the consequences later.

You can call me a cunt, for calling you on your bullshit.  I’ll be giving zero fucks.

I wasn’t born to be a perfect and selfless parent.  Nobody is, and anyone who says they were is a fucking liar.

I’ve struggled. I’ve made mistakes. I never stop learning though, or making intense efforts to better myself and refine my techniques. I bend over backwards to give my small humans the best fucking outcome I can, with what I have to work with. I expect no praise for this. This is my job, my duty, and the most important thing I’ll ever do. How could I ever excuse myself from making a real effort?

That’s real love.

That’s what matters.

 

Amen.

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